Tonight it’s dark in the studio, and I’m curled up in my chair staring at this blank page, about to write the first Wonderland diary entry in 9 long months.Outside it’s raining, and this morning brought the first frost I have noticed since last winter. Earlier, as I walked to work, I stopped and watched a flutter of yellow leaves circle my boots, reminding me fondly of the cloak I made for ‘The Journey Home’ almost one year ago to the day. These fragments of seasons have become like old friends that I find myself silently greeting, one by one, as they return unannounced, blown in by the autumn wind. The landscape is changing in colour and I’m hoping for snow, as there is still one last picture I need to create before I can complete the story. But for now, after months of work, I am finally ready to let this last chapter unfold. I still can’t imagine the day I write the words, ‘The End’ but it is slowly becoming a palpable reality, which leaves a bittersweet emotion in my gut.
The pictures I have created over the last few months have at times pushed me to my limit, and I have learnt so much about myself in the process. I have had days when I have never felt so happy to be alive, standing in the woods with my camera, so grateful for every precious moment – and others where my own crushing lack of self-confidence has made me sick with worry over whether I have created something that is good enough. It is always the same with me – all or nothing. There have been the highest highs and lowest lows, but throughout it all I can say I have tried my hardest. I faced challenges I was genuinely scared of but forced myself through as they were the only way to produce the ending I always dreamt of. So I just wanted to say how thankful I am to the people who have been on this journey with me and taken Wonderland into their hearts, both the followers of the project and the irreplaceable tiny team I work so closely with.
This is every ounce of what I have in me, and more. It has taken so long to to make everything by hand, and I know the wait has been excruciating, but sitting here now I feel it has all been worth it. I am so excited to share this last part of the journey with you…
I named this first portrait ‘Gaia, The Birth of an End’, as it was about the last seen character Gaia’s transition from a mortal to her true goddess form. I named her after the Greek term for Mother Earth, and this picture represents her incarnation (birth) surrounded by an explosion of vibrating, shimmering energy. Her character affects everything – as she changes so will the landscape, creating a butterfly effect that sets the end of the story in motion. It was heavily influenced by how I see the human spirit; after losing my mother people often ask me what I imagine comes afterwards and my only answer is my belief in an endless energy, the circle I feel we are all a part of. My mother is with me always, she is the earth, the rain – and the wind in my hair as I walk to work. The body may cease to exist, but I feel that the vibrations of people continue, like ripples from a stone cast in a lake. It was this power of spirit that I have tried to express within the picture.
I expect some will see the scale of the headdress and ask why I didn’t focus more on the costume, but that was not my purpose with this piece. It had to be about emotional impact, transition and a human connection with the viewer. My work is never about clothes, which is why I get so frustrated when people call me a fashion photographer. I guess that’s why I write these diaries to explain my motivations to anyone who wishes to understand. The finished piece will be printed at two meters high, so although when viewed small it is hard to take in the detail, when faced with the print in real life it is a completely different experience.
Finished Costume
The headdress, like the character, was a reinvention of the original piece worn by Gaia in the rapeseed field pictures. The basis of my design was to elevate the costume to a new goddess- state. I was heavily influenced by the portrayal of Inca gods, and my trip to Tibet in 2012, during which I specifically collected traditional bells and tribal necklaces with this piece in mind. The headdress was entirely hand-painted, dyed and beaded by myself and weighs so much that it had to be wired to a wooden beam in my studio to take the weight off the model’s head.
Separate to the headdress I wanted to create body adornment for Gaia, which came in the form of her giant over sized necklaces. Every part of these were hand made, beaded and painted by me, apart from the central traditional piece.
Making The Costume
A few examples of the things that influenced the characters costume and styling. The film Apocalypto , Tibetan traditional dress and the history of decorative Inca gods in art.
Shooting The Picture
To be honest, the day of the shoot was very hard going. It was actually our last photo of the summer as I had shot everything out of sequence in order to get the right weather for each scene, beginning with the snow in February. It had been a manic two weeks of shooting three huge pictures back-to-back, and the pace was almost impossible to deal with. I had been awake for what felt like days, gluing, painting, researching make-up, sourcing environmentally safe powder paint – the list was endless. The night before the shoot, Elbie, our model Marianna and I had been up until one in the morning, attempting a make-up trial, but in the end we had to face defeat from exhaustion. Between us we managed to wire the enormous headdress to the ceiling of my studio, and left it suspended for the following day.
By the time our new filmmaker Richard arrived the next morning I was so tired I could barely speak and dear Elbie was faced with the hardest make-up challenge I have ever given her. In total, Marianna’s entire preparation and body painting took over five hours. Elbie and I work incredibly closely and in some cases the make-up will develop like a painting as she builds up the character more and more depending on how I feel it balances with the costume. This day was no exception and the make-up became the most complicated look that Elbie has produced for the series. I needed something powerful and extraordinary, with a hint of something tribal. It was all about balance, and so she worked relentlessly with yellows and shimmering powders until we jokingly felt she had achieved the ‘holy light’ appearance I had wanted so badly. The yellow tears were the crowning glory, and as they dried, they unexpectedly cracked, becoming a perfect, subtle nod to some of the original tribal images from my research.
Once Marianna was in position I had one last challenge to face, which was the coloured yellow powder. As described earlier, I needed this picture to be about an explosion of radiating human energy, which in the end we created using two techniques. The first was throwing powdered paint into the shot in real-time, and the second was the happy accident of realising that the powder instantly gripped and remained on the black backdrop behind the model. This made life so much easier as I was able to control the direction and shape of the paint and then bring both together in post-production, creating the ‘vibration’ effect I was after.
In truth, I’m still very new to shooting in a studio environment. In fact, I have barely any experience. All my pictures are usually shot outdoors, in the landscape, and I find being indoors quite alien. It is not something that gives me that tingle down my spine, it feels sterile and controlled, but due to the weight of the headdress it was the only option. However, despite wrestling with the powder and lighting, in the end there still came that wonderful, creeping familiar moment when our model truly imbued ‘Gaia’. It always takes a while to reach that point, but as I worked with Marianna on her breathing and played music to help her mood, eventually she reached a slightly trance-like state of mind, which allowed her to sink into the emotion.
At long last, just as the sun began to fade and a cool evening breeze drifted through the studio everything fell into place. It was the last shoot of a long summer, I had just fired 700 shots fuelled by pure adrenaline and spurred on by the comedy of the yellow powder that now coated everyone’s skin, hair and clothes. It had been a riot of colour and my farewell to the series, which ironically would become the first picture I would release upon the project’s return.
You are an inspiration <- and these words are not even close enough to describe what I really think about your artworks. These are not just photos, they are masterpieces of art at the highest level. Do you know this moment when you see an image and you think it can not get any better? And you do it better every time I see a new photo you've created. Thank you 🙂
Kristy,
Your photographs, full bloom with beauty in its purest form, struck a cord in my heart. Thank you, for sharing these stunning gifts with the world. I wait with bated breath for your future works.
Inspiring. Amazing. Beautiful. Talented! WOW!
so beautiful your work! congratulations for all of you! bravissimo! bravissimo!
I bursting into tears and have a goose flesh. Such a grateful for being here to watch your artwork, I’ve been touched. It’s so splendid! Thanks for sharing 🙂